When You Just Don't Give a *%!@%

Ever wake up and realize nothing really matters?  No matter what you do, things remain the same and you just can't seem to find any reason to get up?  Yeah, happens to me too.  Kind of a crappy way to start the day.

What's it all about?

The meaning of life, which is a great movie by Monty Python by the way, is undefinable.  The meaning of life is the meaning YOU put into it.  When you wake up, sigh, and think that the day is really gonna suck, that's the meaning you're putting into life.

How do you combat this?  Is there anything you can do to change it?

YES!

First step is to become AWARE that you've got a choice to make - that the meaning of life is totally up to you.  Now I know awareness is extremely difficult to come by when you're tired or cranky or have a ton of homework, but it is possible.  Try this next time you feel like crap:  ask yourself "Do I really WANT to feel this way?"

Now, that may trigger this whole internal debate that might go something like this:

"Do I really want to feel this way?"
"You don't have a choice, moron.  You've got three tests today, {fill in name here} hates you, your parents are idiots and you have no life.  How ELSE are you gonna feel?"

Tough argument, right?  Well, the internal voice knocking you around is what Eckhart Tolle calls the "ego".  Yeah, you've probably heard about it in Psych or something, but this isn't the Ego like the Id, Ego and SuperEgo, although you might be able to find some parallels.  No, this little bugger is an attention-needing whiny machine that lives in all of us.  It thrives when given attention.  You argue with it and the arguments grow louder and seem to make more sense.

In my book, Dealing with Dudes and Chicks, I explain how this is the mind working to prepare you for the worst case scenario.  But with awareness that you have a choice to make, you can either focus your energy on what the mind is prepping you for (which, when thinking about it as an EGO actually makes you feel somewhat good), or you can take control of the situation and respond to the "Do I really want to feel this way?" question with a resounding "NO!"

The most important thing to remember in all of this, though, is that the choice is entirely up to you.  YOU have that power.  You really do!

Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself...

I've been sayin' it!  And now that it's out there, you know it's not just the ravings of some old fart makin' this stuff up.

Read the following...and realize that YOU.  ARE.  PERFECT.  Thanks, Caitlin Crosby...

OH!  And by the way, if you're a cynic like me and think "Oh yeah, easy for her to say, she looks perfect, has a great bod, and wears tons of makeup", don't dismiss the words just because of the messenger.  The meaning is clear, even if you think the delivery is hypocritical.


Here I am, half a man,
I'm not a doctor, I'm not a ten
And I never helped the score
I drive to fast, the team picked me last
I break the rules and like it
My body curves, I forget the words
I missed the serve and lost it

All my flaws to see
But you still love
Love me

Here I am face down
Sometimes I smile or frown
But it depends on the time of day
Here I go off the road
I spend cash on my clothes when I still have bills to pay
My skin isn't clear
Haven't spoken in a year
'Cause I still have fears I'm tryin' to overcome
My truths aren't right
My jeans are too tight
When I pick a fight I turn to run

All my flaws to see
But you still love, love me
You still love me

Even when I sin I don't fit in
'Cause I've been burned when I waited my turn
Don't act my age I don't want too
Call it a phase call me a taboo
Won't do as I'm told to believe
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Oh, oh, oh

All my flaws to see
You still love, love me yay
You still love oh oh
You still love me

Happy Belated New Year!

Well, the new year is officially 8 days old and it probably doesn't feel much different, does it?  I know, it's 2010 - which was a pretty cool movie, by the way - but it doesn't really feel that much different.

Did you make New Year's Resolutions?  I didn't.  I don't make those under the assumptions that because I RESOLVE to do something doesn't necessarily make it so.  I make New Year's AM's.  (Am's?  What the heck?  These are statements of who I am.  The change occurs immediately, and is reinforced by my statement of who I am.)

I am:

• A writer
• A loving father and husband
• A good son
• A caring brother
• A funny guy
• living life to it's fullest
• eating healthier
• exercising whenever I can
• facing any challenges head on with the knowledge that I am capable!
• determined to be published
• undaunted by those who say I can't

Not a bad list, right?  You should try it.  Who are you, and what are you defining yourself to be?  If you find yourself listing all negative things, turn them around in a way that makes sense to you and feels right.

Instead of I AM FAT, try I AM DETERMINED TO LOSE WEIGHT or I AM A HEALTHY EATER.  Instead of I AM TIRED, say I AM EXCITED ABOUT LIFE.

Write these down, post them somewhere, and look at them everyday.  But don't just look at them, look at yourself in the mirror.  SEE these things in you.  You'll be amazed at how quickly you begin to realize they're all true.

Happy New Year!

Holiday Thoughts

Well, here at the Sheridan household the dogs are chomping on their christmas bones, the girls are either dancing or watching TV, and Kyle is wrestling his little heart out with his new toys.  I've turned 42 (for those of you into Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that's the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything).

I'm not going to presume you all are Christmas fans, maybe some of you celebrate Kwanzaa, or Hanukkah, or maybe nothing at all.  But whatever your cause, this is truly a time of celebration and joy.

Why?  Because this is the time of year when the days get the shortest, the winter wipes clean the previous year, and we are all given a chance to start again.  We share with each other during this time of year as the cold weather huddles us closer together, and we give to help each other survive the snow or just to help us realize how much we have.

When we share we confirm to ourselves that we have enough TO share.  It makes us realize how great our lives are, and how much we have to give.  Sure, some feel they HAVE to share, even if they don't want to, and many people don't get the spirit of the season, but that's the diversity we've always talked about.  These are the differences that make us a perfectly completed whole.

So to all of my friends out there, I say have a great holiday season, filled with the recognition I've mentioned above, and the knowledge that you are all wonderful, perfect beings fulfilling the role of a unique and connected collective.  Let's make 2010 a year unlike any others we've experienced, and let's make it a wonderful change for the world.

Have a great one!

Kev

When Hopelessness Abounds...

'Tis the season - so why am I getting so much bad news?  Anyone else having this problem?  Maybe a grade slipping or a boyfriend or girlfriend fight?  Or maybe memories of some Christmas past is creeping up and forming the foundation for a ton of "I HATE CHRISTMAS" feelings.

Yeah, I know.  Take a look at what happened to me today.
1)  Daughter Hannah got accepted to Susquehannah University.  GREAT NEWS!  Right?  Except:
2)  I'm out of a job.  Was told today that the position I interviewed for is being outsourced to India.  Ray.  3)  So I've applied for another job.  Got this in the mail:
"We have reviewed your submission and have decided to continue our search for candidates whose skills and experience more closely match the position"


And that's for a job I was SURE was perfect for me.  No sweat - more time for me to write.  In fact, I sent out a query letter to an agent today - my best query letter yet!


4)  "Thank you for your query, but I don't think I would be the best match in this instance."


I have thus had THREE rejections in one day!  Thank God for Hannah's good news or I'd be 0 for 4!


So, what do I do?  Whistle a happy tune?  Hardly.  I was pretty peeved.  I got angry.  Depressed.  Ate some crap I shouldn't have.  Tried to enjoy a few holiday traditional movies, and then decided to write to you all. 


What I did was carry on.  I allowed the emotions to come out, I recognized them, and then moved past them.  The anger lasted for about a 1/2 hour.  The depression, probably a little more than a couple of hours.  May even have a little sitting around me.  But the writing - that's what's keeping me going.


What keeps you going?  Every piece of bad news is an event that you WILL move past.  It's inevitable.  But the more you try to suppress the natural reactions to bad news, bad memories, or bad feelings, the longer they stick around.  My friend Neale Donald Walsch has said that "What you resist, persists."  And it's true.  I can't make these people hire me.  I can't make this person be my agent.  I CAN however, be angry about the job, depressed about the prospects, but only for a little while.  Then it doesn't help me anymore.  I mean, really, clinging to anger isn't going to get me another job, right?


Writing, however, just might.  So that's what I'm doing.


Move forward.  And if you want, think about the fact that you're moving forward with friends.  Don't think you have any friends?  Think again.  You've got one in me.


Try me.

An Excerpt from "Dealing with Dudes and Chicks"

From the INTRO to "Dealing with Dudes and Chicks" by Kevin, Hannah and Cara Sheridan

     

           You.  Are.  Perfect. 

Perfect.

No, seriously!  You are.  You know that right?  No “original sin”, no “nasty” inherited traits, hell, even that “too big a nose to get a prom date” isn’t really big.  It’s perfect, because it’s yours.  Understand?  Good.  Glad we sorted that out.

            Wait!  Hang on a sec!  Why’re you cryin’ BULL?!?  Wait wait wait!  Don’t close the book!

            I know.  I get it.  I understand you’re not buyin’ what I’ve been selling.  Just wanted to try it out and see if it stuck.  If you believe the first paragraph with all your heart, if you know it to be true to the point where you can’t imagine it NOT being true, THEN you can close the book.  Put it away and save it for someone who needs it.  But chances are, you picked up this book, and started reading it, specifically because something is messed up about you.  Right?  At least in your mind?

            I know.  I get it.  I’ve been there. 

            Look, I’m not some psychiatrist with a PhD in Making Stuff Up.  I never majored in Child Psychology, which is probably a good thing because you’re not a child.  You’re a teenager, and there ain’t no more confusing, frustrating, weird-ass decade in the course of a human life.  I know cuz I’ve been there.  Yup, this creepy old guy was a teenager once.  I’m also a dad, which means I get to watch three other teens go through the same crap I did.  At some point, God willing, I may even be a Grandad.  Hell, who knows how many times I’ll get to live through this. 

            Now, if you’re like my kids, or you’ve read my bio, you’re probably thinking “Dude, you’re like, forty-one.  That’s really old!”  To which I would flex my shirt-bustin’ guns, tighten my six-pack abs, straighten up tall and say “Who you callin’ OLD!”  (I can get away with that cuz I’m the author.  Really I’d have to wear a tight t-shirt, suck in my muffin-top, try to flex my man boobs and straighten up after a quick visit to the chiropractor.  See what you have to look forward to?)  But I WAS a teenager once.  Every year from thirteen to nineteen in my life.  Teenager every one of them.

            So now you’re thinking, “Yeah, but that was like, in the eighties, right?  Did they even have computers then?  The internet?  Electricity?”  Well, yeah they did.  But I’m not gonna list the antiques that we had that you wouldn’t even recognize now (like the vinyl albums that my daughter wants to make into a serving bowl).  I know what you’re driving at – but yes, with the exception of the speed in which the world moves, the problems of being a teenager in the Facebook, Xbox, PS3, Blackberry digital age are EXACTLY the same as they were in the Atari, Intellivision, Music-still-on-MTV age, oh so long ago. 

            Why?  Because the nature of the human race hasn’t changed.  Sorry dudes and chicks, you may be moving at a million miles a second, but you are still walking, talking, organic masses of cells, tissues, muscle, blood and hormones.  Oh and at your age?  Heavy on the hormones.  I know you dudes are walkin’ around wonderin’ if you’ll ever get to really use that thing in your pants (or how quickly you WILL get to use it again), and I know you gals are wonderin’ if you’ll ever really find the perfect relationship.  Fact is the thoughts, emotions, experiences, and ultimately the reality of the modern American teenager are as distorted, imagined, whacked-out and generally difficult to understand as they ever have been or ever will be.  And just so you don’t feel bad, many an adult are still in the same boat.

            So I know you feel lonely, even if you’re not alone.  I know you’ve got questions that no one wants to answer, thoughts that no one wants to face, and a need to seriously figure out what the hell to do about a lot of things.  But chill, you’re not alone, there ARE answers, and your thoughts can be changed as easily as your underwear.  You can and WILL figure out what to do about everything, if you want to.  Or don’t.  Doesn’t matter to me.  But it will matter to you.

            You’re not alone, you’re not lost, and you’re not a waste of human life.  You’re on a path to somewhere, along with a ton of other people, and you’re exploring and creating your path as you go.  You’ve got incredible freedom to follow the path where it leads, or branch off into a new direction.  Folks will travel the path with you, some “cool” and some “not so cool”, whatever that may mean in your mind, and some of those folks will drift off while others come on.  So look around and shake the hands of the dudes and dudettes around you.  Cuz if you follow this path staring at your shoes, that’s all you’re ever gonna see.

Spiritual Re-birth

Hey everyone!  Sorry for the delay - Thanksgiving holidays and all. Hope everyone had a great time celebrating the wonderful things in your life.  I know I did.  The turkey was stupendous and the meal was as satisfying as any I ever had.

Had a bit of a revelation today that I thought I'd share.  I've been studying these Laws of Attraction books that have been out and were all the rage a few years back.  If you don't know what I'm referring to check out The Secret or Ask and It Is Given.  Or check out the movie What the Bleep Do We Know?  All fascinating stuff, and all extremely difficult for me to get my arms around.

The basic premise is this:  the universe is spinning and working at a sub-atomic level according to your thoughts, wishes, desires, etc.   But because we as a human race don't control those thoughts, or rather don't fully understand this quantum physics level of activity, we choose things that aren't good for us, and thus continue sending us spiraling down a path of unhappiness and unhealthiness.

I can see the truth in some of that.  How else do you explain the speed with which we move now, not taking time for rest, relaxation, or healthy lifestyles?  Don't believe me?  Check out this article from Businessweek.  Some highlights:

• More than 31% of college-educated male workers are regularly logging 50 or more hours a week at work, up from 22% in 1980.
• Forty percent of American adults get less than seven hours of sleep on weekdays, reports the National Sleep Foundation, up from 31% in 2001

Multi-tasking, cell phone-talking and texting while driving have all contributed to a constant state of information awareness.  We're bombarding ourselves with external input, and MAYBE spending one day a week, for MAYBE an hour or two, gathering internal input.  Of course we're not making choices that benefit us as a human race!  We don't have time!


But what is it that is preventing us from making this leap forward?  According to the 2007 Census for the Religious Distribution in the U.S., over 83% of the U.S. population affiliate themselves with some religion.  Only 17% either don't know or remain unaffiliated.  That includes New Agers, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, etc.  


The question is - how many of those 83% really BELIEVE.  And I don't mean "do you believe in God, yadda yadda yadda."  It's really easy to say "yes" to those obviously leading questions.  How many of you BELIEVE that you have a CONNECTION with whatever supreme being you believe in.  Do you KNOW the words that you're saying in church, do you KNOW what they mean, and more importantly, do you fully, honestly BELIEVE in them?  


I don't think we do.  I think the number of people who feel they can honestly affect the outcome of the world by CONNECTING with a higher power (not just passively "praying" to them) would be a lot smaller.  It's as if we've left the outcome of the world to God while not caring what that outcome is, and thus accepting the positive OR negative as the "Will of God".


In order for any part of The Secret or quantum physics or anything like that to work and take hold, we have to believe that we are truly ONE with God, the Universe, whatever, and as such we ARE GOD.  Thus, it follows, that collectively, if we act in the best interest of the human race, together, there is NOTHING we cannot accomplish.  It also follows that if we act in the best interest of ourselves individually, we act in the best interest of the human race.


That's what's missing.  At least from my life.  So I'm going to create a spiritual re-birth in myself.  I'm going to feel myself connected to universe, and watch as things unfold that I've only ever dreamed of.  


You are God.  Not "a" God.  THE God.  As am I.  As are we all.  That's what quantum physics is about.  The question is, what are we going to do with all this power?